Friday, February 5, 2016

My Undertale Playthrough - Part 1: The Ruins

So I’ve done 2 write ups on Undertale now, and I wasn’t sure where to go with this third one. As I watched reviews and analyses on Undertale though, it became apparent to me how cool it is that everyone had a different playthrough in little ways. I feel like few games highlight the power of choice you have as a player, and so you know, for this one I’m going to keep it simple. While it’s fresh in my mind, I’m going to recount and share every important detail I can remember about my first playthrough of Undertale, and detail why I did what I did. I’ll be doing it in multiple parts since I wrote so much, but yeah!


One thing that made my Undertale playthrough special I think was that I got to play it with a good friend, vines (http://vinesy.tumblr.com/). After every boss or dramatic moment we’d stop and talk about what happened, what we thought of it, and what we did, what we chose, and why. One of the most fascinating and fun parts of the experience for me was seeing what we chose differently and why, and what that said about us. So bear that in mind, I may reference him here and there. But anyways, onward!



I must admit, when I first began playing Undertale, I was a little worried due to my previous experience with the game. I had never played it no, but I was aware there was a sparing system, as well as multiple endings depending on who you killed and didn’t kill. I also watched a let’s play of like the first half of the first area or something, so I feared I’d be biased, and not kill more because I had this knowledge you shouldn’t on your first playthrough.
So, I tried to make my first play as genuine as possible, tried to unlearn what I had learned, and experience things the way I would have if I was playing this blind.



And I must admit, I was surprised how much the game pushed you to go the pacifist route, and how easily I fell into it. Right off the bat Toriel instructs you with the ability to be merciful, and even encourages you. She smiles when you pretend to talk with the dummy, and even steps in to stop your confrontation with the first froggit.

When Toriel leaves I was a little scared to spare enemies, but I continued to do so the more I went through it. After all, sparing had funny likable dialogue, and allowed me to learn more about the monsters and grow to like them, and why would I want to hurt them?
The only thing preventing me from sparing everyone was the fact that you gain no EXP. I was rather worried about this, and I remember as a result of this fear I backtracked and grinded a little to get lots of money and healing items, so that I still had something to fall back on if I needed something. I’d continue doing this on and off for the duration of my play.



Though there was another reason I backtracked. Oh my, the game sure tugs at your heart strings right off the bat. When Toriel leaves you and tells you to stay, I wanted so badly to stay. But god, there was nothing to do, and I was so bored. I thought of going forward but argh, it took so long for me to do. When I began to move forward, Toriel calls to ask what flavor of pie you like, and even thanks you for being patient. ;-;

Despite me being a few rooms away from where she left me, this phone call cut me deep and I backtracked all the way to the room and waited for more minutes, because god I loved Toriel, she was so nice and helpful to me and taught me how to be kind and merciful, I didn’t want to disobey her.



I have to say, this moment made me think of how silly it is that boredom drives us so much. I had a strong love for Toriel, and I wasn’t leaving because I was worried about her or anything, I was just bored! Kind of really selfish I thought, and was part of why it was so hard for me to move on. Boredom seems like such a silly reason for doing something.

But after lots of backtracking I finally continued on, apologizing to Toriel in the back of my mind, and telling myself that I’ll be sure to spare everyone to make her proud. I was being merciful from my own guilt of not staying where she told me too, I wonder if Toby Fox intended this to happen at all….

It didn’t help that Toriel gave you her cell phone, and that you could call her and have wonderful conversations with her, which I did asap. I must admit, I called her far too much as I progressed through the ruins, but god, I was so attached to her. It was so sweet the way she said she was happy she got to hear my voice, and the way she was so encouraging and gentle and loving and just ugh, everything I want out of a friend. She was perfect, and her character really played a massive role in how I played through the first part of Undertale.



One other little story. I remember in the room when you have to push the rocks on the switches, there was one rock that moves after you ask it to move to the switch, and you have to go back to it and ask it to move back and stay there. I remember after this I actually stopped and waited a while before crossing through the spikes. After all, that rock could move off the switch the moment I went over those spikes. I remember I had to take a deep breath, and talk to the rock a few times to feel secure. I called Toriel for some confidence, as her kind words helped in this tough time, and I chose to trust the rock, hold onto my courage, and cross.

This whole experience made me think a lot about how often we have to trust others to do things both in game and real life. We take for granted NPCs that help us out, and in that moment, when I was over those spikes, my very life was in that rock, and the previous interaction made me aware that it could betray me if it chose to. It made me realize how much trust we put in others and games and take it for granted, without realizing how much we are in the hands of others and the game’s mechanics.



Anyways, eventually I reached Napstablook, the game’s first boss. I remember it took a long time to start the battle, because god I really really did not want to fight it. And as the fight went on, I felt something inside me, something wonderful I hadn’t felt in a long time.
If anyone remembers, I made a post when I started playing Undertale about how much I love it and how it already made me cry:
Indeed, while I got emotional many times throughout the experience, there were 2 distinct moments in which I bawled like a baby. One was the true final battle, and the second was…..ironically enough, not the Toriel battle, but this one; the battle with Napstablook.



It’s hard to describe why this is, but I really do think that this battle was where the game began to click for me. With most monsters helping them is simple and feels like a neat puzzle. Compliment a frog, console a uh…flying thingy, wiggle with a gelatin, simple silly neat lighthearted stuff that was easy to figure out.

Napstablook was different, he was the first time in the game in which I couldn’t just have fun with it, and I had to seriously question what to do, because when I flirted with him…it didn’t work! Napstablook was so sad, and when he said that “I’d just bring you down” line...I felt so sad for him, and could emphasize a lot, as I know those feelings. I thought this would be simple and fun but suddenly I felt incredibly bad for the guy, and wanted to genuinely do everything I could to help him, even if I knew it wouldn’t be easy, since it’s never easy to get rid of those negative feelings…



The way I tried to slowly help him to be confident and smile, and be a friend with this lovely ghost, it was….incredible. I loved how there was a moment when he takes a chance to express himself by putting on that hat and making a joke, and you get to see him. He takes a chance and waits for your reaction, and getting to see him start to smile and laugh and be himself from being sad and lonely was just….goodness I don’t even know. I got to help someone to smile. I got to learn more about them, see how wonderful they are, and be there for them and be a friend.



And gosh I don’t know, after the battle Napstablook was so happy to have a friend, and I was as well, so happy I could help and encourage him to be himself and happy, and it made me feel so warm inside to see him go from crying and being down to smiling and loving himself, and then I remember I called Toriel on the phone to let her know I made a friend and was merciful just like she taught me and how much I love her and gosh I just…..the waterworks flew, because god, this is how I want games to be. I wasn’t killing anyone or growing stronger, I was making a friend, helping him to be happy, to not cry, and to be himself and gosh, I just felt so great and like, these are what I wish games could be. Not about simple levels and mechanics of growing, but about the human side; about making friends, learning about wonderful people, and getting to just learn more about yourself, and make some wonderful friends.



This is why the Napstablook battle I think touched me so much and made me cry. Because I actually got to make a friend, and I could emphasize with his sadness, his silliness and fear of being himself, and I felt real emotions helping him. And I didn’t know games could make me feel so much, and I realized this is what I want out of games, and why I’m going to love Undertale so much. Because it’s a game that finally isn’t about killing, or being the best, or exploring and completing everything, it’s a game about….people struggling in a world, and helping them and being friends with them, learning about what makes them tick, and gosh…this is my dream game…. <3

I think after that battle too, I vowed more than ever not to kill anyone. I learned that all the monsters had fun little quirks to them, and that well, maybe I could emphasize with all of them. So as I continued through the ruins, I spared all of them. I did come close to dying a few times, but I was quick to grind some money, and buy lots of healing items for the occasions. I remember being sad that Napstablook disappears after you battle him, as I wanted to get his number too and talk more with him, but ah well, I continued on, hoping I’d get to see Toriel soon…



I remember too I spared all the vegetable enemies, and never knew that you could eat them until my friends vines and questing (http://the-red-dilettante.tumblr.com/) did them and told me about it. I also questioned Toriel a few times. I remember at the very start when Flowey betrays you I thought “why should I trust this other person if the last one almost killed me?” But I quickly warmed up to her, though I did wonder a few times if she had a dark side when the frog near the end of the ruins mentions that they fear her. 



Still, seeing Toriel again made me really happy at her Home, and I remember loving the Home and getting to talk with Toriel and learn about her snail books and cooking and aspirations. I also remember because I wanted to check every nook and cranny I checked my bed first upon entering my room, and then went to sleep and woke up with a slice of pie. No, I missed things and didn’t get to explore everything! I kind of wanted to reset, but I chose not to since it was my first play, and I wanted my first play to just be a genuine play, in which I miss some things, and don’t focus on getting 100%.



In hindsight though it’s silly how much game logic controls the way I act. Normal logic dictates that interacting with a bed means you want to sleep which would then prompt things to go ahead, but I didn’t think that. I thought I would get a prompt on whether I want to sleep like any other game would do, and I could say no and explore everything before continuing the story. One thing I’ve loved that so many analyses point is that Undertale is a game that doesn’t follow game logic, and makes you question why we take it for granted so much, and I definitely think this moment did that for me, at least a little bit.

As seemed to be a continuing theme of the Ruins for me, first with leaving the large room against Toriel’s wishes, and second fighting Napstablook, I once again reached a mental roadblock here. I didn’t want to continue the story, and ask Toriel how to leave the ruins. I liked it there, I wouldn’t mind having a home there and living with her in a comforting way forever, yet eventually I did…and again I asked myself why?

And again, I looked to boredom. Yeah living with Toriel would be nice but…there wasn’t a lot to do, and the ruins were kind of small, and had a view of the big city that had me itching to explore and get out and see more of the world. I feel like this was intended, and again I found it odd how much boredom drives us, and we can struggle to just relax and enjoy where we are. I don’t really like it…



Eventually after lots of time passed and I did everything I felt I could do and wasn’t sure what to do, I asked Toriel how to leave the ruins, leading to the dreaded confrontation at the bottom of the home. I remember being so sad when the realization hit me that she would be the boss and full climax of this dungeon. As the battle began I felt so confused, yet determined….determined not to kill Toriel. After all, everything she taught me up to this point was to show mercy and befriend the lovely critters here, why should this be any different?



Yet as many did this fight, I found myself stuck and unsure what to do. After I talked for many times nothing was happening, and I was lost and unsure of what to do. I clearly remember a few times I would move to the fight button, but I never clicked it. No, I was resolved in this matter, I cared about Toriel so much, and valued her companionship so much, such that I could never even consider hurting her. As my mind raced with ideas and I went through the menus looking at each option, I noticed the spare option, and wondered….it then hit me that back in the ruins there was a frog that told me that sometimes you can spare creatures even when their names aren’t yellow. With this in mind, I figured I would try this, as it may be my last option. After I tried it a few times I noticed the dialogue changing with her each time, and then I knew…this was it! I held firm, stuck to what Toriel taught me, and knew that I could never hurt this beautiful monster. I spared as long as I could, coming down to my last healing items, when…it finished. And she gave that heartfelt message about herself. How even if she didn’t want to let you go, she knew it was for the best. How she knew it was her own loneliness and insecurities that caused her to stop you, and that she would put them aside from you. And god damn…that touched me so much, and said so much about her and ugh. That hug gave me all the feels, what a way to end ;~;



I remember I really really didn’t want to leave. I wanted to tell Toriel she could come with me, or tell her that we can stay in touch somehow. When she said to never come back I was heartbroken. I can remember very clearly, that I was so conflicted and so not wanting to leave her forever, that I told myself something. I’ll come back for you…I’ll see you again…this won’t be the end…I remember repeating this to myself as I left Toriel, as believing this was the only way I could convince myself to leave her, leave the one who taught me so much, and made me everything I wanted to be. I thought this was incredibly interesting, and looking back, I can’t believe that in this one dungeon this game made me so attached and emotionally invested in this character. She would be in the back of my mind throughout the entire adventure, and there were many many times in each area when I reached a big moment in which I’d call her. Whenever I was uncertain or scared, I’d call her phone, just to remind myself of what she taught me, the kind words she gave me, and to never give up…for the hope that I’ll get to see her again…

I also kept the Butterscotch / Cinnamon Pie she gives you for the whole adventure, vowing to never use it, so that it would also serve as a reminder for me to never forget her. It also served as a symbol to remember everything she taught me, and to remember to show mercy to everyone. I absolutely love that Undertale does this. It gives you a bond to form with this lovely character, and then you’re ripped apart from them, yet given items to remind you of them. I loved the emotional attachment I formed with Toriel so much, it was so well designed looking back. It made the whole experience feel well, powerful, and gah, I love that so much and love her character. Oh Toriel…. <3



Anyways, as I left the ruins, finally able to convince myself that it was the right thing to do, and that I’ll see Toriel again someday, I thought a lot. I read a cool analysis that pointed out that long hallways always came after dramatic moments in Undertale, perhaps to encourage the player to think and reflect on what just happened. And looking back, I do remember thinking a lot, with one thought sticking out to me. I remember thinking how interesting it was that the Toriel battle was really similar to the final battle of Mother 3. Spoilers for that I suppose but, they follow a similar atmosphere and ending. I remember thinking it was kind of funny, because the final battle of Mother 3 was my favorite moment of that game, and a large reason of why it was one of my favorite games. And here, in Undertale, the game has already given me an experience similar to that final battle, and it was in its first main boss battle, holy cow! For this reason, I remember thinking that Undertale almost feels like a spiritual successor to Mother 3, and that it takes what it proposed and runs with it to hell and back. With this in mind, I couldn’t wait to see more of this game, and what surprises it had in store for me.




This was how I experienced the Ruins, and I promise none of the other areas will be as long as this haha. Well…except maybe the last ones…but we’ll get to those in due time.
All images were taken from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwPDQB0EVbY

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