So I’ve done 2 write ups on Undertale
now, and I wasn’t sure where to go with this third one. As I watched reviews
and analyses on Undertale though, it became apparent to me how cool it is that
everyone had a different playthrough in little ways. I feel like few games
highlight the power of choice you have as a player, and so you know, for this
one I’m going to keep it simple. While it’s fresh in my mind, I’m going to
recount and share every important detail I can remember about my first
playthrough of Undertale, and detail why I did what I did. I’ll be doing it in
multiple parts since I wrote so much, but yeah!
One thing that made my Undertale
playthrough special I think was that I got to play it with a good friend, vines (http://vinesy.tumblr.com/). After every boss or dramatic moment we’d stop and talk about what
happened, what we thought of it, and what we did, what we chose, and why. One
of the most fascinating and fun parts of the experience for me was seeing what
we chose differently and why, and what that said about us. So bear that in
mind, I may reference him here and there. But anyways, onward!
I must admit, when I first began
playing Undertale, I was a little worried due to my previous experience with
the game. I had never played it no, but I was aware there was a sparing system,
as well as multiple endings depending on who you killed and didn’t kill. I also
watched a let’s play of like the first half of the first area or something, so
I feared I’d be biased, and not kill more because I had this knowledge you
shouldn’t on your first playthrough.
So, I tried to make my first play as
genuine as possible, tried to unlearn what I had learned, and experience things
the way I would have if I was playing this blind.
And I must admit, I was surprised how
much the game pushed you to go the pacifist route, and how easily I fell into
it. Right off the bat Toriel instructs you with the ability to be merciful, and
even encourages you. She smiles when you pretend to talk with the dummy, and
even steps in to stop your confrontation with the first froggit.
When Toriel leaves I was a little
scared to spare enemies, but I continued to do so the more I went through it.
After all, sparing had funny likable dialogue, and allowed me to learn more
about the monsters and grow to like them, and why would I want to hurt them?
The only thing preventing me from
sparing everyone was the fact that you gain no EXP. I was rather worried about
this, and I remember as a result of this fear I backtracked and grinded a
little to get lots of money and healing items, so that I still had something to
fall back on if I needed something. I’d continue doing this on and off for the duration of my play.
Though there was another reason I
backtracked. Oh my, the game sure tugs at your heart strings right off the bat.
When Toriel leaves you and tells you to stay, I wanted so badly to stay. But
god, there was nothing to do, and I was so bored. I thought of going forward
but argh, it took so long for me to do. When I began to move forward, Toriel
calls to ask what flavor of pie you like, and even thanks you for being
patient. ;-;
Despite me being a few rooms away from
where she left me, this phone call cut me deep and I backtracked all the way to
the room and waited for more minutes, because god I loved Toriel, she was so
nice and helpful to me and taught me how to be kind and merciful, I didn’t want
to disobey her.
I have to say, this moment made me think
of how silly it is that boredom drives us so much. I had a strong love for
Toriel, and I wasn’t leaving because I was worried about her or anything, I was
just bored! Kind of really selfish I thought, and was part of why it was so
hard for me to move on. Boredom seems like such a silly reason for doing
something.
But after lots of backtracking I
finally continued on, apologizing to Toriel in the back of my mind, and telling
myself that I’ll be sure to spare everyone to make her proud. I was being
merciful from my own guilt of not staying where she told me too, I wonder if
Toby Fox intended this to happen at all….
It didn’t help that Toriel gave you her
cell phone, and that you could call her and have wonderful conversations with
her, which I did asap. I must admit, I called her far too much as I progressed
through the ruins, but god, I was so attached to her. It was so sweet the way
she said she was happy she got to hear my voice, and the way she was so
encouraging and gentle and loving and just ugh, everything I want out of a friend.
She was perfect, and her character really played a massive role in how I played
through the first part of Undertale.
One other little story. I remember in
the room when you have to push the rocks on the switches, there was one rock
that moves after you ask it to move to the switch, and you have to go back to
it and ask it to move back and stay there. I remember after this I actually
stopped and waited a while before crossing through the spikes. After all, that
rock could move off the switch the moment I went over those spikes. I remember
I had to take a deep breath, and talk to the rock a few times to feel secure. I
called Toriel for some confidence, as her kind words helped in this tough time,
and I chose to trust the rock, hold onto my courage, and cross.
This whole experience made me think a
lot about how often we have to trust others to do things both in game and real
life. We take for granted NPCs that help us out, and in that moment, when I was
over those spikes, my very life was in that rock, and the previous interaction
made me aware that it could betray me if it chose to. It made me realize how
much trust we put in others and games and take it for granted, without
realizing how much we are in the hands of others and the game’s mechanics.
Anyways, eventually I reached
Napstablook, the game’s first boss. I remember it took a long time to start the
battle, because god I really really did not want to fight it. And as the fight
went on, I felt something inside me, something wonderful I hadn’t felt in a long time.
If anyone remembers, I made a post when
I started playing Undertale about how much I love it and how it already made me
cry:
Indeed, while I got emotional many
times throughout the experience, there were 2 distinct moments in which I
bawled like a baby. One was the true final battle, and the second
was…..ironically enough, not the Toriel battle, but this one; the battle with
Napstablook.
It’s hard to describe why this is, but
I really do think that this battle was where the game began to click for me.
With most monsters helping them is simple and feels like a neat puzzle.
Compliment a frog, console a uh…flying thingy, wiggle with a gelatin, simple
silly neat lighthearted stuff that was easy to figure out.
Napstablook was different, he was the
first time in the game in which I couldn’t just have fun with it, and I had to
seriously question what to do, because when I flirted with him…it didn’t work! Napstablook
was so sad, and when he said that “I’d just bring you down” line...I felt so sad for
him, and could emphasize a lot, as I know those feelings. I thought this would
be simple and fun but suddenly I felt incredibly bad for the guy, and wanted to
genuinely do everything I could to help him, even if I knew it wouldn’t be
easy, since it’s never easy to get rid of those negative feelings…
The way I tried to slowly help him to
be confident and smile, and be a friend with this lovely ghost, it
was….incredible. I loved how there was a moment when he takes a chance to
express himself by putting on that hat and making a joke, and you get to see
him. He takes a chance and waits for your reaction, and getting to see him
start to smile and laugh and be himself from being sad and lonely was
just….goodness I don’t even know. I got to help someone to smile. I got to
learn more about them, see how wonderful they are, and be there for them and be
a friend.
And gosh I don’t know, after the battle
Napstablook was so happy to have a friend, and I was as well, so happy I could
help and encourage him to be himself and happy, and it made me feel so warm
inside to see him go from crying and being down to smiling and loving himself,
and then I remember I called Toriel on the phone to let her know I made a
friend and was merciful just like she taught me and how much I love her and
gosh I just…..the waterworks flew, because god, this is how I want games to be.
I wasn’t killing anyone or growing stronger, I was making a friend, helping him
to be happy, to not cry, and to be himself and gosh, I just felt so great and
like, these are what I wish games could be. Not about simple levels and
mechanics of growing, but about the human side; about making friends, learning
about wonderful people, and getting to just learn more about yourself, and make some wonderful friends.
This is why the Napstablook battle I
think touched me so much and made me cry. Because I actually got to make a
friend, and I could emphasize with his sadness, his silliness and fear of being
himself, and I felt real emotions helping him. And I didn’t know games could
make me feel so much, and I realized this is what I want out of games, and why
I’m going to love Undertale so much. Because it’s a game that finally isn’t
about killing, or being the best, or exploring and completing everything, it’s
a game about….people struggling in a world, and helping them and being friends
with them, learning about what makes them tick, and gosh…this is my dream game….
<3
I think after that battle too, I vowed more
than ever not to kill anyone. I learned that all the monsters had fun little
quirks to them, and that well, maybe I could emphasize with all of them. So as
I continued through the ruins, I spared all of them. I did come close to dying
a few times, but I was quick to grind some money, and buy lots of healing items
for the occasions. I remember being sad that Napstablook disappears after you
battle him, as I wanted to get his number too and talk more with him, but ah
well, I continued on, hoping I’d get to see Toriel soon…
I remember too I spared all the
vegetable enemies, and never knew that you could eat them until my friends vines and questing (http://the-red-dilettante.tumblr.com/) did them and told me about it. I also questioned
Toriel a few times. I remember at the very start when Flowey betrays you I
thought “why should I trust this other person if the last one almost killed
me?” But I quickly warmed up to her, though I did wonder a few times if she had
a dark side when the frog near the end of the ruins mentions that they fear
her.
Still, seeing Toriel again made me
really happy at her Home, and I remember loving the Home and getting to talk
with Toriel and learn about her snail books and cooking and aspirations. I also
remember because I wanted to check every nook and cranny I checked my bed first
upon entering my room, and then went to sleep and woke up with a slice of pie.
No, I missed things and didn’t get to explore everything! I kind of wanted to
reset, but I chose not to since it was my first play, and I wanted my first
play to just be a genuine play, in which I miss some things, and don’t focus on
getting 100%.
In hindsight though it’s silly how much
game logic controls the way I act. Normal logic dictates that interacting with
a bed means you want to sleep which would then prompt things to go ahead, but I
didn’t think that. I thought I would get a prompt on whether I want to sleep
like any other game would do, and I could say no and explore everything before
continuing the story. One thing I’ve loved that so many analyses point is that
Undertale is a game that doesn’t follow game logic, and makes you question why
we take it for granted so much, and I definitely think this moment did that for
me, at least a little bit.
As seemed to be a continuing theme of
the Ruins for me, first with leaving the large room against Toriel’s wishes,
and second fighting Napstablook, I once again reached a mental roadblock here.
I didn’t want to continue the story, and ask Toriel how to leave the ruins. I
liked it there, I wouldn’t mind having a home there and living with her in a
comforting way forever, yet eventually I did…and again I asked myself why?
And again, I looked to boredom. Yeah
living with Toriel would be nice but…there wasn’t a lot to do, and the ruins
were kind of small, and had a view of the big city that had me itching to
explore and get out and see more of the world. I feel like this was intended,
and again I found it odd how much boredom drives us, and we can struggle to
just relax and enjoy where we are. I don’t really like it…
Eventually after lots of time passed
and I did everything I felt I could do and wasn’t sure what to do, I asked
Toriel how to leave the ruins, leading to the dreaded confrontation at the
bottom of the home. I remember being so sad when the realization hit me that
she would be the boss and full climax of this dungeon. As the battle began I
felt so confused, yet determined….determined not to kill Toriel. After all,
everything she taught me up to this point was to show mercy and befriend the
lovely critters here, why should this be any different?
Yet as many did this fight, I found
myself stuck and unsure what to do. After I talked for many times nothing was
happening, and I was lost and unsure of what to do. I clearly remember a few
times I would move to the fight button, but I never clicked it. No, I was
resolved in this matter, I cared about Toriel so much, and valued her
companionship so much, such that I could never even consider hurting her. As my
mind raced with ideas and I went through the menus looking at each option, I
noticed the spare option, and wondered….it then hit me that back in the ruins
there was a frog that told me that sometimes you can spare creatures even when
their names aren’t yellow. With this in mind, I figured I would try this, as it
may be my last option. After I tried it a few times I noticed the dialogue
changing with her each time, and then I knew…this was it! I held firm, stuck to
what Toriel taught me, and knew that I could never hurt this beautiful monster.
I spared as long as I could, coming down to my last healing items, when…it
finished. And she gave that heartfelt message about herself. How even if she
didn’t want to let you go, she knew it was for the best. How she knew it was
her own loneliness and insecurities that caused her to stop you, and that she
would put them aside from you. And god damn…that touched me so much, and said
so much about her and ugh. That hug gave me all the feels, what a way to end
;~;
I remember I really really didn’t want
to leave. I wanted to tell Toriel she could come with me, or tell her that we
can stay in touch somehow. When she said to never come back I was heartbroken.
I can remember very clearly, that I was so conflicted and so not wanting to
leave her forever, that I told myself something. I’ll come back for you…I’ll
see you again…this won’t be the end…I remember repeating this to myself as I
left Toriel, as believing this was the only way I could convince myself to
leave her, leave the one who taught me so much, and made me everything I wanted
to be. I thought this was incredibly interesting, and looking back, I can’t
believe that in this one dungeon this game made me so attached and emotionally
invested in this character. She would be in the back of my mind throughout the
entire adventure, and there were many many times in each area when I reached a
big moment in which I’d call her. Whenever I was uncertain or scared, I’d call
her phone, just to remind myself of what she taught me, the kind words she gave
me, and to never give up…for the hope that I’ll get to see her again…
I also kept the Butterscotch / Cinnamon
Pie she gives you for the whole adventure, vowing to never use it, so that
it would also serve as a reminder for me to never forget her. It also served as
a symbol to remember everything she taught me, and to remember to show mercy to
everyone. I absolutely love that Undertale does this. It gives you a bond to
form with this lovely character, and then you’re ripped apart from them, yet
given items to remind you of them. I loved the emotional attachment I formed with
Toriel so much, it was so well designed looking back. It made the whole
experience feel well, powerful, and gah, I love that so much and love her
character. Oh Toriel…. <3
Anyways, as I left the ruins, finally
able to convince myself that it was the right thing to do, and that I’ll see
Toriel again someday, I thought a lot. I read a cool analysis that pointed out
that long hallways always came after dramatic moments in Undertale, perhaps to
encourage the player to think and reflect on what just happened. And looking
back, I do remember thinking a lot, with one thought sticking out to me. I
remember thinking how interesting it was that the Toriel battle was really
similar to the final battle of Mother 3. Spoilers for that I suppose but, they
follow a similar atmosphere and ending. I remember thinking it was kind of funny, because the final
battle of Mother 3 was my favorite moment of that game, and a large reason of
why it was one of my favorite games. And here, in Undertale, the game has
already given me an experience similar to that final battle, and it was in its first
main boss battle, holy cow! For this reason, I remember thinking that Undertale
almost feels like a spiritual successor to Mother 3, and that it takes what it
proposed and runs with it to hell and back. With this in mind, I couldn’t wait
to see more of this game, and what surprises it had in store for me.
This was how I experienced the Ruins, and
I promise none of the other areas will be as long as this haha. Well…except
maybe the last ones…but we’ll get to those in due time.
All images were taken from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwPDQB0EVbY
No comments:
Post a Comment